I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
