ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
