How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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