You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
