yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
someone owes me an orgasm
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
