How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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