Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
