I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
