how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
