Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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