So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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