You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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