He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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