take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
