I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
