Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
