My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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