she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
