garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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