Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
