Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
