Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
