i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
