I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize