he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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