grandma shit on top of the toilet
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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