if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
