you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
