I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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