just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
