So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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