Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
