Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
