I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
