And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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