dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
