There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
