Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
