I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
