I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
