i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
