I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
