never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
