She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
