I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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