I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
