do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
