So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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