I'm eating all of the evidence.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
