Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
