Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
