Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
