How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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