There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize