i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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