He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
