well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
