I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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