just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
