I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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