He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
