K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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