sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
