he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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