How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
