idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
only you would photoshop your dick
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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