I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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