Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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