im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
